Diary of an Author – Coming Soon

[…]

Dear Author Diary,

[…]

This will be my new diary; a story of life as an indie author trying to make a living and trying to put meals on my plate…instead of just crumbs. Currently, there are excerpts of the “Diary of An Author” released and more entries to come. I know. When my first book, Crystal Dreams Book One, released on April 2016. I’ve said that this diary was going to be released in 2017…Then 2018….But writing this diary for a few years now, I’ve started re-re-writing my first novel in 2015.[…] so pushing this diary off to release at its best is my point. I don’t want to release something no one wants to read.

It took me twenty years to write and complete Crystal Dreams Book 1. It will more than likely take a little bit of time to write “The Diary of an Author,” to get it edited, and to release it to the world.[…] hopefully…

As most readers know, I was only (almost) 8 years old in the summer of 1997 when I came across something called “writing”. I started out writing as a coping mechanism to escape the childhood I had. After all, my mom blamed me for being born a girl (was not my fault – I didn’t ask to be born), my brothers hated me for looking like I was more “American” than Asian (brown hair and all), and my dad….He never talked to me except the 4 times in my life where he told me, “You need to listen to your mom more.” That’s my childhood. Did I mention the day-ins and day-outs of being beaten? My 10 years (that I know of) is riddled with violence. I only thought of being a kind person because of some heroine girl on television named Sailor Moon. I wanted to grow up to be her and save the world from the violence I know existed too well. Turns out, I wasn’t out to save the world. I was only here to stand on my own feet and save myself.[…]

When I was three years old, my first memory, I saw my dad hit my mom, and my dad was sent away. To this day, I still don’t know where he went. Then he came back less than a day later. No one ever talks about my first memory as a child. No one ever talks about my childhood and the truth inside it: physical abuse, verbal hatred, demeaning me, belittling me, and telling me how I’m fat starting from when I was only four years old. Honestly, how can a little four year old Asian girl, who looks more Caucasian than Asian, be considered “fat”? Please explain that to me.[…]

While my dearest friend’s memory is of watching heroines fight back guys on T.V., I lived that heroine life trying to fight bad guys…in real life; my family. My whole childhood had been a soap opera (that’s what my friend, Chi, said). I know this “Diary of an Author” is a very personal and private thing to write-living life in poverty, living on the streets, trying to get and keep food on my plate and hoping the rain doesn’t get through the leaky roof onto my bedroom floor.

With all the bad things being said about authors and why we’re actually writing-for money, for attention, for fame, for everything except enjoyment-I think it’s about time someone ought to the set the record straight. I know. Truth doesn’t go as far now-a-days as it did 30 years ago. Lies spread like fire as if life is wood after a drought, but people need to know, life as an author is not all sunny days and fun times autographing books. My life, anyway, has only been one bad crying night after another begging for food and hoping for enough this month so I don’t spend next month sleeping on the streets. Again. Turns out, the truth hurts, and I’m about to write every moment of it….From the eyes of an author through the “Diary of an Author”…..

DIARY OF AN AUTHOR

Coming Soon

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Memorial Day Weekend Giveaway!

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I decided that in honor of being a part of THREE wonderful anthologies, one which is releasing on my birthday this year (HOORAY!!), I’d give back to the community of readers who gave their kindness to me. ❤

Please join us in Tracy’s Crystal Dreamers Book Group to join the giveaway!!

JOIN HERE: https://www.facebook.com/groups/531245853725803/

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Getting My [BLEEP] Together

I’ve been neglecting my adulting duties so I cleaned my house spotless. I neglected being a responsible adult, so I have no more bills since they’re all paid. I neglected my family so I got back into contact with my cousins and my aunts. And yes, my mom, too.

But most of all, I’ve neglected my writing the most. I just want to write and write and write with no end, but it’s become impossible. I do so much during the day that when I sit at my screen at night, all my energies are already spent. So I just fall asleep thinking, “Tomorrow will be the day I get my [bleep] back in gear.” Well, it’s happened. Tomorrow is now today. I invested in a someone special whose job is solely to help me get my [bleep] back in gear. As in, I will have a new writing schedule, there will be less posting on Facebook besides the “Diary of an Author” posts, and less scrolling through the internet looking to buy Sailor Moon merchandise. Not like I don’t have enough already (hint, hint, Sailor Chibi Moon’s Bell, hint, hint).

It’s hard, ya know, to try to balance real life with writing all the time. I can’t imagine doing this with 4 kids, a husband, a dog, AND a full-time author job. I mean, two things are enough. I’m hoping that by the time I have another baby, I won’t have to work my day job and my author life will simply sustain us all. And if that cute man would just propose already, that would speed my life along. Just kidding, T! Haha…. I actually, truly respect this dearest BFF of mine. He’s also a great sounding board for my writing too.

And guess what? He’s not a Fifty Shades fan like I am, but he’s not a complete hater either. Yes! I met a guy who doesn’t completely abhor Fifty Shades with that “it’s sexual harassment” idea. Does anyone who says that even know what exactly it is? Seriously? I do!

😊 To top off my BFF’s perfections, he likes video games like I do, collects Sailor Moon merch like I do, and likes to write, not as an author, but just for fun. Geez! Did I find the perfect man or what? I think he’s a marriage deal. I even like his mother. She’s not a crazy person! Wow, I’m impressed.

Anyway, I think I found the perfect team of players for my author team, and now I just need to start pressing that publishing button.

P.S. EL James has announced that there is a Fifty Shades Book 4 coming, but it might be a long time from now until we hear anything else. Don’t worry, haters. She’s not writing books for you.

 

 

My Objectives In Writing

Being an author is a tiring life.

You can read all about the unfiltered truths inside being an author after the release of my “Diary of an Author” book coming in 2018 or in mid-2019 depending on the span of the diary. Yes, it’s a true diary of my life as an author and the hardships I had to go through to be the author I am today.

Many readers requested the diary in 2015 before I even published a single book. In 2017, more readers requested the diary. But due to the drama of January 2018, I pulled the silent release of “Diary of an Author” from Wattpad and decided that the book deserves a true publisher who will do its publication justice. By justice, I mean spread the gas that will set this diary into a a blazing inferno that will hopefully never get the book removed from the internet as long as the internet exists. The Diary of an Author will not be published by another half-baked kid on a computer trying to use my success as an author, and other authors’ successes, as a stepping stone to gain internet fame. That’s what has happened to disable my diary’s planned release for this year. The drama was all too real and it hasn’t ended … yet.

The Diary of an Author will reveal the true reasons I write: to escape the violence of being in an abusive friendship where I was being verbally abused, degraded and demeaned by someone I was naive (and ignorant) in trusting, and writing was the tool I used to escape as much as I could from the violent relationships I survived from the last ten years on top of the violence I had suffered at the hands of my family during my entire childhood. That childhood included being beaten up in a school playground because I was different, and not even because I looked more “Caucasian” as a child with brown hair than I did as a black-haired “Asian”.

Yes, someone’s actually going around lying that what happened to me happened to her. I have the scars on my abdomen to prove it was me who was beaten up and she or he just stole my life story. That’s the final reason I wrote this Diary of an Author: To tell the final truth of my life and try to smother the many lies and rumors people who are threatened by my success tried to use to make me invisible. I’m not invisible anymore, and I will no longer sit in a corner and stay quiet like a wall flower. I wasn’t a quiet wall flower as a child or a teenager, and now that I’m an adult, I’m even less so.

I’m only twenty nine years old and I’ve only been dating since I was 18 years old, but I’ve gain wisdom and life experiences as if I’ve been in the military, gone overseas to war, and home with PTSD. I seriously think pretending my past didn’t exist so 3 people (or 10) can lie about me easier will make me a better writer or a better woman. Writing this diary will only make things better for me in the long-run.

While life has been hard on me, writing has been the easy part…except when I was told for 3 years by a, now ex friend, that I needed to tone down my writing. Um…excuse me? Tone my writing down? Who am I writing for? Six year olds or 13 year olds? My books don’t need to be censored like a Sailor Moon 1999s episode so someone who doesn’t want to see my life story and the blood that went with it can sleep better at night. It wasn’t their nights that were filled with death threats at the age of 5 years old. And it wasn’t them who got raped at 19 years old. So explain to me why I should tone my shine down? So someone out there doesn’t get a sunburn? Get sunscreen or just stay out of my sunshine. If a teenager can swallow a book I write where kids get kidnapped in wars, adults can handle reading that I, a 29 year old author got raped as a 19 year old and didn’t stop writing.

More of the diary coming soon.

Tracy Millosovich

 

New Life – New Stories

When life gives you lemons, write a book!!

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Release: January 1, 2019:

Lucifer vs. archangel Michael with a new opposing angel enemy on the horizon. When it’s brother verses brother, who will finally walk away alive or will a new enemy unite these feuding brothers?

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Release: Spring 2019

When archangel, Michael, goes to Earth to finish a task: kill his brother, Lucifer, he’s met with a stronger enemy, a HUMAN WOMAN. Will his sword break before his sword, or will he let a new enemy take his future?

I love writing love stories!!

Death Note – Netflix Movie

If you don’t know what the original manga, anime, and live action movies called Death Note is, google it.

In the original manga written by Tsugumi Ohba and illustrated by Takeshi Obata, the storyline gets complicated. The anime release of the manga follows closely to the original manga’s complicated and interesting story.

The 2006 live action movies called “Death Note” and “Death Note: The Last Name” followed with the original manga story. Because the story was split into two movies each movie being an hour and a half long each, there was time to add in as much background and character developstorywith details as possible. I especially loved how closely related to the manga the famous detective “L” was between the manga and the 2 live action movies. Light Yagami was cool too! At least the Japanese movies followed the story with the manga. The anime was good too. They even split the story into the 2 movies at a good point, when the first movie ended with “Kira 1” and the second movie began with “Kira 2”. Even the Shinigami names for Ryuk and Rem stayed alongside the manga.

As for the American version of Death Note released on Netflix in 2017, a lot was changed and not just the location of the story. While the anime and manga showed Light Yagami in a well functioning family, that basic foundation was missing in the 2017 Death Note American version. It’s disturbing how a “regular family” was not shown in the Americanized movie considering how “Americanized” they tried to set this movie as. Light Yagami’s name was changed to Light Turner to sound more “American”. Instead of the Yagami (Turner) family being Light, his mom, and his sister with his dad as a workaholic yet respectable police officer, in the 2017 Death Note American version, Light has no siblings making him an only child, his mom’s dead, and his dad is an unrespected cop absolutely no one likes who stills seems to be a workaholic. While the Japanese Light Yagami was a good-grades student who was shown as a good school role model, the American Light Turn was aschoolwho got caught being paid to do other students’ homework and ended up in trouble. A lot. Wow. Pathetic. It’s one thing to trim the “Turner” family to seem “American” but not every family has a dead parent, a loser student. or workaholic loner.

The start of the story is located not in Japan, but in …. Seattle, Washington. You know, the same setting as another movie already released this year. I’ll give you a hint: billionaire business man. 😉

The entire time I’m watching this Death Note reset in America movie, the only thing I’m thinking is “How has Light not run into Anastasia Steele or Kate or Christian Grey?” LOL The city’s big, but it’s not so big that no one can run into each other.

Also, the police are useless during the investigation into “Kira”. Despite the logic of “L” following Light Turner around and cameras in the Turner’s home, there’s no phone tapping, no background investigations into potential suspects, nothing! In a world of online social networks and GPS locating, it should at least be easier to pinpoint a suspect like Light. In the Japanes live action movies, Light Yagami had to ignore Ryuk and pretend like his life was dull. In the American movie, that was easily dismissed. No one bothered to wonder “Odd…Light sure is eating a ton more apples that humanly possible.”  Light Turner texts his “girlfriend” and gets a phone call from “L’s” friend, but no one who is actually tracking him finds this out. About “L”: he seems to randomly figure out that Light is “Kira”. There’s no investigation into how “L” came to his conclusions, no foreshadow to his logic, and nothing makes any sense. How does “L” end up suspecting Kira was in the U.S. if he was still in Japan? (There is a tiny scene that hints L hopped a plane from Japan to America.) Did “L” get a magic premonition about Kira’s potential location? Did another Shinigami tell him?

After the runaround, Light (Kira), kills L’s friend. In the 2 part Japanese movies, L responds with emotional but calculated strategy to catch Light after L’s friend is targeted. In the 2017 movie, L just retrieves a gun that had not been previously revealed (so basically he’s just lugging a gun around in a gigantic suitcase for no reason and no one seems to wonder why), steals a police car that just happens to be unlocked, and magically catches Light Turner in an alley after running after him for several blocks. After cornering Light in an alley, a random person not seen before just happens to help “Kira” after L says he’s a detective with the local police by hitting L in the back of the head. The popularity of Kira doesn’t spread as vast in this American movie as Kira’s popularity was in the 2-part movies based in Japan. So some random guy just happens to be in the alley after L hunts Light down, and the random guy just happens to be a fan of Kira? 

While the anime, the manga, and the 2-part movies explained Light’s girlfriend’s death as a purpose that helped the story progress, the American movie basically killed Light’s girlfriend, saved Light, and Light ends up safe in a “coma” in the hospital. Oh! By the way, Light’s girlfriend just happened to die. L is kicked off the police force investigation team for everything he did (makes sense), but nothing is shown as to where he had gone. Light reveals everything to his dad the cop, but nothing bad comes of it. In fact, his dad seems glad if not relieved that the bad guy who killed his wife was dead and Light is the infamous Kira. In the 2-part Japanese movies, Light Yagami’s dad was surprised that Light was even a part of the entire Kira ordeal. His dad was pissed and understandably so. In the American version, Light’s dad basically just shrugs it off.

Another annoying change in the American version was that when a random person touched the Death Note, Ryuk was not seen by said person. Normally, if a person touched the Death Note, the Shinigami was revealed. Wasn’t that a rule in the Death Note? Other rules inside the Death Note seemed to be ignored or bent by the characters of the story besides that. The “handing the Death Note to a new person” rule was bent or removed as if the Death Note had rules but nothing applied to anyone. As far as I figured, whoever will be the “Misa Amane” and Misa’s Shinigami Rem will appear after the cliffhanger to the American movie. Unfortunately, there’s no foreshadow to Misa coming into the storyline or that there are any other Shinigami besides Ryuk so to put Misa and Rem into the story will be difficult.
Overall, this was an OK attempt for an American re-release, but some things didn’t fit or make sense in this. The graphics seemed OK, not the best, but at least Ryuk kept his original name.

The Lesson of Sailor Moon

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All about Sailor Moon and the world I came from.

Born in the end of the 80s and raised in the 90s, all I knew was Barbie and Sailor Moon. Yes, THAT Sailor Moon; the original heroine that originally came from a child-based manga raised into the entity that took over the anime world….before Pokemon of course. Yes, Sailor Moon DID come before Pokemon here in the United States if you can imagine that. No, I’m not talking about that 2016 Pokemon GO game. That was for all you young folks. No, I’m not that old. Hahaha…I’m only 29 years old. I was RAISED with every episode of Sailor Moon. I only knew one hero: Sailor Moon. While everyone else in my neighborhood followed Spiderman or Superman or (my mother liked) Wonder Woman, I was the first few 1990s kids to know of anything called anime in the United States. In school, no one knew about that either. It was just my friend, Lee Anna, and I. We were the only 2 kids in a school of over 900 kids who even liked the show back then. Trust me, Pokemon caught on like wildfire, but NOT Sailor Moon. Maybe it’s because Sailor Moon in the 90s was aimed at children between 2 years old and 9 years old, and MOSTLY for girls? I mean, you barely saw a BOY who liked Sailor Moon over Pokemon when I was growing up. Now it’s not a big deal, but in the 90s it WAS a big deal. Boys got severely bullied for liking Sailor Moon. Yeah, I grew up in a horrible city. Now remember, I was only 7 years old when I saw my first Sailor Moon episode (the original DiC English Dub). Yeah, horrible dubbing, but it was good for that time period. I still laugh at the lame one-liners the Senshi / Scouts would shout at the enemies. Hahaha…. Too funny!!

Anyway, that was my world. I didn’t know about these fights over “who’s better than whom” or “which Sailor Moon fan’s better than whom”. All of that was irreverent to my love of the anime. In honest truth, there was a “Sailor Moon Says” segment at the end of one of the episodes which addressed the very reality of bullying, being mean, and all that. Some days I wonder if I was the only person who bothered to learn the lessons those segments were meant to teach to children. I wonder…

In the end, I was a fan of the SHOW, not a fan of the fans of the show. I was a fan of SAILOR MOON, not a fan of the groupies surrounding the show. I was a fan of the heroism lessons of the show. I was never a fan of which fan of Sailor Moon was better: Melinda or Cherry? (I totally just made those fan names up on the spot by the way.) I was never following the screaming fights online about which Sailor Moon fan was doing what, who was “bullying” whom, or any of that. I was, and will always be, ONLY A FAN OF SAILOR MOON. I don’t care about any of the dramatic garbage the fanclub drums up. i’m not a fan of the fanbase. I’m a fan of the SHOW. IF it’s that hard to understand my point, then that’s OK. I’ll never be a fan of the most popular “Sailor Moon “#1″ fangirl”. I’ll never be the stalker of [insert username here] because she or he has the biggest fan-loving love of Sailor Moon. My love for the anime begins and ends with Sailor Moon. That’s it. I’m sorry if that offends some people who think I need to like [insert username here]’s pictures, accounts, and posts to be “considered” a fan of Sailor Moon. I’ll always be ONLY a fan of Sailor Moon. None of this “he said, she said / he’s and she’s better than him and her” crap. And yes, it’s crap. Sailor Moon never taught me to pick and choose who was better than whom. Sailor Moon taught me several lessons, and one of those lessons was favoritism never won. Not in the Negaverse. Not in Sailor Moon. Not anywhere in the manga either. I won’t even get started on the arguments surrounding the manga differences and the “but it really meant this” petty crap. What I read was the original Tokyopop and MIXX mangas. I never read into the fine-details of “what if’s” some fans got into. It’s cute, I agree, but it’s only cute as long as it stayed off my love for the anime.

I like the new Sailor Moon Crystal. It’s like a gigantic “Thank you” from Naoko Takeuchi to the rest of us fans who liked the show for over 20 years. It’s like a giant cake we can have and eat too. (I can toally see Usagi’s drooling expression here. Hahaha…) The reason I like the SMC anime is because it’s based off the manga. So much so that I took it upon myself form the first act to find similarities between the SMC show and the manga images. It was fun to see the colorized versions of the manga I’ve come to love. I’ve never lashed out at anyone for liking Sailor Moon as much as I have, or disputed with anyone for not liking Sailor Moon Crystal. It’s a person’s own opinion and that never hurt me any. In the end, a lot of fans have forgotten that this is a SHOW and will remain a SHOW. It’s ONLY A SHOW. It’s NOT real. Believe me, I’ve seen people, fans of Sailor Moon, harass, bully, and even threaten to kill other fans for their differences in opinions. Well, people have been killed for less.

My point is, the characters of Sailor Moon have taught me one thing that has stuck out to me over the course of 20+ years: BE NICE TO EACH OTHER. And some fans have forgotten that basic lesson. Time and time again, episode after episode, manga page after manga page, that was one of the biggest lessons of all in Sailor Moon (besides the lesson that good always triumphs over evil). 😉

In honesty though, I believe some fans have forgotten that lesson while some fans chose just to ignore the lesson. As for me, I’ve chosen to simply live by that lesson, because being nice, kindness, has truly triumphed over evil. After 200 episodes, 3 movies, a new show, and a few new generations of fans, kindness has shined above everything else. I liked that most of all about the anime.